We all have things that we fear. Spiders, clowns, public speaking. When it comes to fears that limit us, we think of fear of failure, embarrassment, or even success itself. Yes, success can be scary!
Fear is a primal emotion, and we all live with fear in some way, shape, or form every single day. A common misconception is that bravery is living with an absence of fear. Far from it. Bravery is acting in spite of the fear. Bravery means choosing not to let fear hold you back from going after your dreams.
The point is that being brave is a choice, which means that you have control over it.
Is it easy? Of course not.
Here are a few strategies I have used to keep moving forward, no matter how afraid I might have been.
1. Acknowledge and name it
If we can name the thing we are truly afraid of, it often ceases to be the big scary monster under the bed, and it becomes something that we can deal with. There is power in naming a thing, in choosing to define what it means to you. And that power is all yours to wield and do with as you wish.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Whatever it is you think you’re afraid of is just an excuse. Telling yourself that you shouldn’t apply for that amazing job because you’re just going to get turned down is a lie. These are the narratives we weave to make ourselves feel better about the choices we make, and we are quite good at lying to ourselves.
You’re the hero of your own story, so why not make it a good one?
2. What’s the worst that could happen?
While we fantasize about all the ways life is going to sucker punch us, the truth is that we don’t know what’s going to happen, and that is the scariest thing of all — fear of the unknown.
Have you ever gotten stuck in an endless “what if” loop? I have. It’s exhausting.
So, instead of worrying about all the horrible “what if” scenarios, go ahead and answer the question. Think of the worst possible outcome to the situation you’re hesitating about. Write it down. Tell your best friends. Whatever you need to do.
Odds are, it’s not really that bad. Most of the things we hesitate about — applying for that job, saying hello to that cute guy or girl at the coffee shop, joining a new gym — if it doesn’t work out, our lives aren’t any different than they were beforehand. If you don’t get the job, the cute guy or girl turns out to be a jerk, or you hate Pilates, your life hasn’t changed all that much. You, however, are different. You’ve learned something in the process, and that’s always valuable.
3. Have a backup plan
Sometimes you’re making a significant life change, like moving to a new city or switching career fields. These things feel like big, forever decisions, but the truth is that our choices rarely trap us. There are almost always options. And one option is to have a backup plan.
When I moved to New York for graduate school, I honestly didn’t know if I would finish the program. I was riddled with self-doubt and intimidated by all the smart people I was suddenly surrounded by. What if I couldn’t cut it?
Well, the simple answer is that I could go back home and find a job. If grad school ended up not being for me, I could always go back to what I had been doing before that. All the skills and experiences I had before this adventure didn’t magically vanish when I decided I wanted to go back to school.
While I don’t advocate planning for failure, I do believe that reminding yourself that you have other options can be a source of comfort when feeling deep anxiety about something new and challenging. Come up with a backup plan so you know what you can fall back on if things don’t work out.
4. Go to your support network
Friends and family have the benefit of both knowing you and being able to see things with a little distance. We get so mired in the minutiae of our lives that it’s often difficult to see the big picture.
I seriously contemplated dropping out of grad school about halfway through. I had realized that research wasn’t for me, and I was convinced that I was just going to fail anyway. I had an epic pity party, which I am not proud of. Fortunately, my support network was both compassionate to my distress and utterly uninterested in letting me make excuses for giving up on something I had already worked very hard for.
Everyone needs a tribe. Even the shyest introvert needs a friend or two to keep them grounded. Figure out who those people are and share your concerns with them. Give them express permission to call shenanigans when you start making excuses and then listen when they tell you that you can do this. Listen because they love you and want you to succeed. Listen because they’re right, and you are more capable than you give yourself credit for.
You got this!
5. Just close your eyes and jump anyway
No matter how much we study or prepare, the fact is, we never feel ready to take the leap. Don’t fall into the trap of using preparation as a mask for procrastinating, telling yourself that you just need a little more knowledge before you’re ready. You’ll never be ready.
And that’s okay.
It took me a long time to realize that pretty much everyone is winging it. The trick is to become comfortable with uncertainty. There is no guidebook to life, and everyone’s path is unique. Waiting until you think you’re “ready” to take a chance is going to leave you with a whole heap of missed opportunities and regrets.
I can tell you from experience that I regret far more missed opportunities than attempts that didn’t go as I expected.
Trust yourself. Know you are enough. And just go for it.
What strategies have you used to tell fear to get out of your way? How did they work? Leave me a comment below!
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