I recently spoke at a Women in STEM career panel, where I was fortunate to meet many bright young adults, excited to take that next step on their journey. They were considering whether to go to grad school, get an internship, or head straight into the workforce. Some had a solid plan, while others sought guidance and advice.
One thing that hadn’t changed from the Way Back Before Times, when I was their age, was the anxiety about making a big life decision.
What am I going to do with the rest of my life?
That sounds so final.
When asked to describe our respective journeys to get to where we each were, my fellow panelists began by saying, “I always loved science, and so…” They made it sound as if they knew from the very beginning that their paths were clear, and every decision along the way was obvious and straightforward.
I remember hearing similar stories when I was a student, feeling nervous because I didn’t have a clear plan laid out. It seemed like all these successful people were sure of their paths, and I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something wrong with me for not knowing.
The girl who wanted to do all the things
When it was my turn to tell my story, I began with, “I was the kid who never knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. And I’m still figuring it out.” Then I proceeded to lay out my education and career path in terms of what I learned at each step and how each lesson informed what I did next.
Saying that I wanted to be everything when I grew up might have been a little more accurate. Regardless, I’ve never had a solid plan because my interests are so varied. And part of the process of growing up is learning what is important and what is worth pursuing.
We learn by taking chances and trying things.
We might even fail, and that’s okay. Failure is just an opportunity to learn and grow.
The secret no one talks about
I distinctly remember a time when I believed pretty much all adults had this whole life thing sorted out. Now I know that when you see that person who looks successful, you don’t necessarily see the hard work and failure and course corrections that happened along the way.
When I was a kid, no one ever said to me that it’s okay not to know your future, that as long as you’re learning and growing, you shouldn’t worry too much about whether or not you have it all figured out.
The truth is that most of us are winging it, and I wish someone had clued me into that little secret a long time ago.
I wasted a lot of energy over the years feeling like I was messing up a whole list of things I “should” be doing, and while I can’t go back and change my own experience, maybe I can help someone who needs to hear that now.
A little perspective shift
After the panel discussion, a student approached me and confessed that she had no idea what she wanted to do next. She had so many options, and she was afraid that she was going to make the wrong choice. We chatted for a bit about some strategies for figuring out what might be the best next step for her.
We also talked about how no matter what she decides, this one choice won’t necessarily determine the rest of her life. It’s merely one step along the path, and the important thing is to make each step a learning opportunity.
By the end of our chat, her whole demeanor had transformed from tense and afraid to one of empowerment and determination. And all it took was a little shift in perspective, in hearing from someone who has been there that it’s okay to feel uncertainty and doubt, that it’s okay not to have your whole life planned out at age 21.
We’re each making our journeys, and sometimes the way before us is clear. Other times, it’s a mystery. The important thing is to keep moving forward and focus on what we can learn along the way.
What is one thing you’ve learned that you wish you had known when you were younger? Let me know in the comments below!
Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash